If you are interested in a child and the child is old enough to participate in planning, arrangements will be made to begin visiting. You will now have enough information so that you can complete the picture book which can be used to help prepare the child for meeting you. With some children one or two visits may be all that are necessary prior to placement. With others a more extended period would be better. You, the child, and the social worker will all be involved in making this decision. Sometimes it happens that a child and the new family seem to relate very quickly and they may feel they want to dispense with the visiting and just begin to live together right away. This is very rarely advisable. It may be natural to want to avoid difficult 'goodbyes', but in the long run it is usually best to face the pain involved in separation. The child needs some time to grasp the importance of the move and to recognize that this is not another temporary placement. Only after absorbing this can a child break with foster parents, friends, and school mates.

     Should you meet the foster parents? This will depend on a number of factors. Of prime importance is whether the foster parents favor this placement and are prepared to help the child move. This should be very frankly discussed with your worker. You will also want to consider whether the foster family have direct contact with the biological family and what this might mean to the success of the placement. Under ideal circumstances, personal contact with foster parents can be very helpful to you in understanding how your child has been leading daily life, how discipline has been applied. What the child's personal likes and dislikes are.

     If you choose not to meet the foster parents at this time, you might still request that they send pertinent information through the agency. You might also send the foster parents some information about yourself that will help them to be comfortable about the placement. If they feel good about it, it will be easier for them to 'let go' and to give assurance that they want the child to have this opportunity to have a permanent family. With this kind of support, the child can more easily move on.

     Between visits you will need to be doing all that you can to make the transition as easy as possible. If the child is of school age, you should arrange a school conference some time before actual placement. School personnel vary in their understanding of adoption, dependent upon the individual experience (or lack of experience) with adoption. But in almost every instance your child will be shown more understanding if you make an effort to let them know something about your child and his or her earlier school experiences. This is not to say you should be giving out personal background information.

     You will also want to let your relatives and friends know about the coming placement. It would be no wiser to give any of them detailed background information. This is a personal matter for the child to learn to handle and he should not be handicapped by having stories about background circulating and perhaps becoming distorted before arrival.