Shea's Search Series

Who Searches and Why?

William Reynolds completed a study of adoptees in the mid-70's and presented his findings in a paper "Personality Factors Differentiating Searching and Nonsearching Adoptees", at the 84th Annual Convention of the American Psychological Association in Washington, D.C. His conclusions matched those of the Brodzinsky team to the extent that Reynolds did not see any correlation between searching and being unhappy or happy in one's adoptive home. Reynolds did comment, however, that it appeared that those who were happy in their adoptive homes might search because of a strong sense of self-confidence, while those who were not so happy might refrain from searching because of a sense of guilt and/or anger.

Beyond that, it appears that the decision to search is often triggered by a major event, such as marriage, the death of an adoptive parent, graduation from college, leaving home, or the birth of a child. This particular phenomenon has lead to some studies surrounding the deeper meaning of 'the search'. The Brodzinsky team studied 94 adult adoptees in search and concluded that the search process "helps them come to grips with at least six universal themes in human development: loss and mourning, envy,sexual identity, consolidation of identity, cognitive dissonance, and body image." (p. 142) Therefore, the loss of an adoptive parent may trigger a need to search for the 'other' parents who might have existed as shadowy figures or ghosts in the subconscious or conscious fantasies of an adoptee. An impending birth of a child might spark a search as the adoptee becomes focused on body image and the thought of seeing a genetic relative for the first time in his newborn child.

Margaret Lawrence, an adoptee, presented a paper entitled "Inside, Looking Out of Adoption", at the same psychological association convention as Reynolds in 1976. She also concluded that 'the search' has nothing to do with the adoptive relationship, but rather is the need to seize the power of choice, to take control in a situation that was out of the adoptee's control, and thus, to become free. This was certainly true in my own decision to search, which I approached as a matter of my birthright being mine, and I was, to put it blunty, pissed off that anyone had ever decided otherwise, let alone without bothering to consult me.

Medical history is also an oft-cited and compelling reason for the search, not only because of the genuine and ever-increasing importance of knowing about familial medical problems in order to combat your own (and avoid future ones), but because it's a less emotional, and readily understandable reason to hand out to friends, family, and strangers. Searching 'for medical history only' allows an adoptee to justify completing a search, since updated medical histories are seldom available through the agency, while at the same time gets around a lot of those sticky questions of 'loyalty', plus an adoptee can avoid facing the possibility of rejection if he sees his birthfamily as merely a file cabinet from which he can take what he needs. This is not to say that every adoptee who says he is only searching for medical history is deluding himself, but everyone who holds this up as their primary reasoning would do well to look deeply not only at his own motivations, but of the possible consequences. What is on the other side of a search is NOT a file cabinet or completed medical questionnaire, but real live people who will have their own ideas about what they want out of contact and 'reunion'.

By far, however, the most common reason given for searching is the desire to see what one's birthparents look like, what their talents are, and what their personalities are like. In other words, the curiousity of many searchers is rooted in genetics. While many critics of searching adoptees express an apparent lack of understanding for why it would matter, 'blood ties', in every community, in every society, are emphasized in a variety of ways. From folkloric sentiments such as 'blood is thicker than water' to the phenomenon of Alex Haley's "Roots", which spawned a renewed interest among Americans in genealogy, to the seemingly benign comments of blood relations about inheriting 'Grandpa's Joe's ears', or 'Aunt Eve's temper', society and its members have always found genetics and genealogy compelling. It should not, therefore, surprise anyone that a group of individuals cut off from their genetic history and consanguineous relatives, would want to know about them.

Leigh writes:

"It was not knowing, for one. I spent countless hours in front of the mirror wondering...wondering what...you name it...where did my nose come from....

I hated when my afamily sat around and looked at their hands and compared them to one anothers..and said things like..oh my those are grandma Mary's hands. Or my amom and her sis would talk about the types of cancer that run in their family and tell my sister (who is my aparents natural daughter) that she will have to go through the same horrid pre-screening tests that they do, when she got older. "

Of course, there are other, far less flattering or even neutral, theories about searching adoptees, many of which those who search will be confronted with at one time or another. Few of these theories have been detailed in peer reviewed studies, papers, or journals, not lending them much credibility, but they are typified by an article published in the March 1977 edition of Woman's Day, entitled "Should Adoptees Search for their 'Real' Parents?". Written by family therapist Eda LeShan, an adoptive mother, the article compared an adoptee searching to a crook giving in to the impulse to steal. "Maturity comes when we learn to control such impulses" concludes LeShan.

Continue to part two of Making the Decision to Search

This post was authored by Shea Grimm except where otherwise indicated. It may be copied and distributed freely, in whole or part, as long as it is not sold, and as long as this notice is kept intact.