Shea's Adoption Search Series

Making the Decision to Search

The Right to Know

At many stages of a search, including the decision-making stage, you will likely encounter people who will tell you that you have no right to search. Sometimes, these people are ill-informed clerks on power trips who will go so far as to say that searching is illegal, or that searching without an intermediary is illegal. In no state, county, province, or country, to my knowledge, has searching for one's birthparents been made illegal. It pays to be familiar with your particular locale's adoption laws in order to counteract the attempts of the uninformed, or downright malicious, to derail your efforts, or your decisionmaking process. You might also encounter people who will question your right to 'disrupt' your birthparents lives, or your right to 'betray' your adoptive parents by searching. Usually these people have little understanding of adoption or searchers, but these questions might be something that you yourself have struggled with, and it pays to have answers, if for no other reason than to feel comfortable with whatever decision you make. The facts are that the 'right' of adoptees to know and to search is a hotly contested issue. I personally believe that sealed records violate the Due Process and Equal Protection clauses of the American Constitution. There are a number of interesting places to learn more about all sides of the 'right' to know. Two fascinating case law studies can be found in the lawsuits of Yesterday's Children, an adoptee activist group who filed a class action law suit in U.S District Court in 1975, and appealed their loss all the way to the U.S Supreme Court, who declined to hear the case in June of 1978. ALMA filed in the U.S District Court for the Southern District of New York in 1977, and lost. A concise and lucid analysis of sealed records and the law can be found in an article by Stephen A Gorman entitled, "Recognizing the Needs of Adopted Persons, A Proposal to Amend the Illinois Adoption Act", published in the Loyola University Law Journal 6 in 1975.

Other Fears

Either before the decision to search is made, or at some point during the search, it is likely that the fear of what comes 'after' will rear its ugly head. The fear of rejection from one's birthfamily is very common, and not entirely unfounded. While the number of birthmothers who reject contact is something that is difficult to pin down, most agree that it is less than 1/4, and the number of birthmothers who favor open records is consistently in the majority (See Arthur Sorosky, Annette Baran, and Reuben Pannor in "The Adoption Triangle:The Effects of the Sealed Record on Adoptees Birth Parents, and Adoptive Parents" New York; Anchor Press/Doubleday, 1978, as well as "The Changing Face of Adoption", a report research project from Children's Home Society of California, and contact Children's Home Society of Washington State for their newest survey). In addition, in New Zealand, which just over 10 years ago instituted a 'reverse registry' which opened records except in the case of a birthparent or adoptee filing a veto, only a small percetage of birthparents and an even smaller percentage of adoptees did so, and even fewer were expected to renew the veto. Nonetheless birthfathers are far less likely to be welcoming, and the actual reaction from a birthmother who may support contact in theory, is seldom predictable. It would behoove any adoptee who is in search to educate themselves about the experience of birthmothers in order to better understand how they might be received, and what the best way to approach contact might be.

The fear of losing whatever identity one has crafted for oneself is also a common theme among the undecided. Just as there are those who have a need to find out 'who they are' through a search, and who see race and culture as being missing elements, others, in the absence of information, created their own identities and don't want to be hampered or confused by the actuality. Other adoptees may see the possible addition of a birthfamily in their life as being an unwelcome complication. One family is often quite enough. Add to that, inlaws and friends, and suddenly another group of people with their own history, feuds, and dysfunctions, don't seem particularly appealing. The possibility of finding poverty or addiction in one's birthfamily can also be a pressing fear.

Education about adoption issues can go a long way towards putting these fears in perspective, but it is always a good idea to temper one's enthusiasm for the search with a hard sense of reality as well as a will to adapt to whatever situation you might find yourself in. Keep an open mind. It is also important to carefully look at the motivations that you have and/or that you name for searching, and consider what they mean in the event of a possible reunion. In the event that you decide to search, you might experience an emotional rollercoaster (which will be discussed in depth in future posts), you might alienate your family, friends, or significant other. You might encounter something totally unexpected and wonderful, or unexpected and devastating. Search is never something to be entered into lightly, as Lifton says in "Lost and Found", "Although one is never *totally* prepared, one should not tamper with the Search until one cannot do otherwise." (p.77). Heed this warning well.

Continue to the next section, Initiating a Search

This post was authored by Shea Grimm except where otherwise indicated. It may be copied and distributed freely, in whole or part, as long as it is not sold, and as long as this notice is kept intact.