SEARCHING: Initiating a Search (for adoptees): The information gathering phase

Throughout this post are some pointers to international search resources. Those of you with specific knowledge on searching outside of the U.S are encouraged to contact me so that I may include your information in future versions of this post. This is to be considered a work in progress, and comments and suggestions are welcome

So you've decided to search. Perhaps you decided overnight, or maybe it took years, but you've made the decision. New searchers are now faced with perhaps one of the most difficult stages in the search process; the beginning. Hopefully the information contained within this post will help you new searchers to organize and prepare, and to lay the foundation for a successful search.

STEP ONE: Buy a journal, a three-ring binder or dig up a clean notebook. Write down everything you know about yourself and your adoption. Where were you born? What hospital? What state were you adopted in? What county? What province? What country? Was your adoption handled privately, or was there an agency involved? Do you know anything about your birthparents? Rumors, perhaps, or stories overheard from family members? Do you have a copy of your birth certificate? Don't worry if you don't have the answers to even one of these questions. Write down what you know, even if it seems insignificant. Then, start asking questions. Your adoptive parents are the best place to start, whenever possible. A later post will cover telling friends and family about the decision to search, as well as making the decision itself, if you are having difficulty in that area. Ask your relatives, talk to the family lawyer, and the family doctor. Carry your notebook with you wherever you go. I am continually amazed at the number of searchers who contact me with vital bits of information written on the back of envelopes, stray scraps of paper, and napkins, all loosely falling out of a torn manila folder. Write down everything you find out in your notebook.

It is also important to learn not to be too forthcoming with the reasons for your questions. I advocate honesty with your family, but when speaking to lawyers, doctors, clerks, librarians, or adoption professionals, it is preferable to maintain that you are asking the questions out of general curiousity, if they know you're adopted; or because you're doing 'genealogical research' if they do not know, and do not need to know, that you are adopted. There is NOTHING illegal about searching. There is no state or country that, to my knowledge, has outlawed searching for your birthparents. Don't allow anyone to tell you otherwise. Nonetheless, there are still some people who will judge you for your actions. If these same people are individuals who have information that might assist you, it is to your advantage not to give them the information that will allow them to make their ill-informed and irrelvant presumptions.

At this point, you are trying to assemble a picture and to identify where the gaps are. Don't be surprised or discouraged if you come away from your inquiries with only a few bits of information. That may be enough. The goal is to thoroughly question everyone in your immediate family and whomever else may have been involved in your adoption. If an agency was involved, make note of it, as you will be contacting them in the future. When making your inquiries, especially with your family, it is usually best to start out gently, although each person will be best equipped to gauge their family's particular quirks and will know the best approach to take. If you feel uncomfortable asking directly and stating upfront your reasons for the questions, use an opportunity such as an evening conversation about medical problems or diseases to ask your parents if they know anything about your medical history. If you don't know at what age you came to your adoptive family, or if there was a foster family in between, use a discussion about the habits of your new baby to ask 'did I sleep through the night by this age?', etc. This approach works not only to lay a foundation instead of hitting your family all at once, but it can also help you to gather the most complete information possible. Your family may have information but not think of it as important or 'identifying'. Getting this information out of them will go more smoothly if you ask questions in a variety of ways, in a variety of different settings and circumstances.

It is extremely important to RESIST the temptation to follow up on 'leads' at this point. You are only gathering information. Attempting to follow through with any fragments you receive immediately will only result in a scattered and disorganized search.

STEP TWO: Read the adoption laws for the state, country, or region in which you were adopted. In some states and countries, an adoptee has access to certain documents and information about their adoption. You can read an up to date synopsis of all state laws here.

Also of use are the alt.adoption FAQs. Originally created by Jeff Hartung, these FAQs were maintained by Rosemarie Ventura and were then taken over by the administrators of the Usenet newsgroup, soc.adoption.adoptees, and should be read thoroughly. They are out of date in some places. If you have any reason to believe that you may have Native American blood, or even if you don't have any reason to believe it, read the Indian Child Welfare Act of 1978. This may come in useful to you if you decide to petition the court at a later date.

See Step Three for further pointers to international resources.

Continue to part two of Initiating a Search

This post was authored by Shea Grimm except where otherwise indicated. It may be copied and distributed freely, in whole or part, as long as it is not sold, and as long as this notice is kept intact.