Any children coming into your home are going to bring their problems with them. Despite every effort, it may sometimes happen that a particular child's problems are of such a nature as to be too disturbing in your particular family. The chemistry is just all wrong. You may feel you have tried all kinds of things to make this placement work, but now you are certain it will not. You have told the worker the child must be removed. Now there are mixed feelings on everyone's part.

     Sometimes we use other words to describe placements which do not work out. They have been referred to as disrupted or discontinued placements. These new terms are meant to help us all get a better perspective on what is really happening. But whatever word is used, if you have asked to have a child removed from your home, you will probably feel that you have failed. The worker, no matter how experienced, will probably feel the same way. And so, of course, will the child.

     There is no way to make all the discomfort go away. But there are some things we can do to make the effects less traumatic for everyone concerned. We can always, of course, learn from these placements. This will help to improve our programs for all children, but for the moment this will be small comfort. We are now faced with a particular child who is going to have to be moved again.

     You may feel that neither the child nor you were adequately prepared for the placement and you may be right. It is not always possible for workers to know children before placement. Much information is not available and some of what is obtained comes from sources which may not be reliable.

     Whatever the reasons, you have now learned some things about the child and the way he or she relates to a family like yours. This information is vital to making the next placement a better one. You can now offer some of the missing knowledge. It is to be hoped that you will offer enough time so that a more appropriate placement can be arranged.

     You should use your worker to help you with your feelings now. Once it is clear in your mind that you have done what you can and you are sure this placement is not going to work out, you will be better able to tell the child why. This is very important. The child must not believe he or she was snatched away against your wishes. Whatever the real reason, it will be easier for the child to accept than if his imagination is allowed to run wild.

     No matter how difficult a placement may be, there have undoubtedly been some pleasant things to remember. Help a child to remember these things and to know that even though yours was not the right family, you want to help the worker find the right family.

     No one is happy about these situations. Some of them may be prevented by prompt and early discussion of difficulties. Some can be resolved with counseling and time, but when they cannot, the best we can all do is face the matter realistically, salvage what we can and not add to the problems with unnecessary and unhelpful feelings of guilt. We are in a very complex and difficult profession and there are some problems we cannot solve.

     We do the best we can.

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