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CHAPTER SIX

ADOPTION

     Many young women choose adoption as a way to give themselves and their babies a better chance in life. The only way to know whether it is the right choice for you is to get as much information as you can, talk about your feelings, and think about it in terms of your own life.

If you don't have a home for the baby or money to feed it and buy clothes for it, and if you don't have anyone to take care of the baby while you are going to school or working, you may want to consider adoption. If a baby would keep you from finishing school or working to support yourself, adoption may be one alternative.

     Adoption is a legal process that gives a child new parents. An adoption can be arranged through an agency or by a lawyer. All adoptions have to be approved by a court. The new parents become responsible for taking care of the baby and for making all the decisions about health and upbringing. The people who want to adopt the child are the ones who pay legal and service fees.

The natural mother must give her informed consent for the baby to be adopted. This means that before she signs the paper giving her permission, she must understand exactly what she is doing. What the court tries to make sure of is that the mother has not been pressured into giving up her child. Even after she has signed there is usually a period of time during which she can change her mind and get the baby back.

The father of the baby has rights too. In most states he has the right to be notified that his baby is to be adopted. A father who wants the child may raise it himself. When you go for adoption counseling, be sure to ask about the laws in your state or county regarding the father's rights.

A man who is not married to the baby's mother may be unable to claim any rights unless she names him as the father of her child. Although he can say he is the baby's father, he may have to prove his claim. Anyone about to name himself or be named as the father of the child of a woman under eighteen needs to see a lawyer.

Usually the natural parents are required by law not to see or try to get in touch with their child again. No one will know that the mother gave birth to that child. This is called closed adoption. For many years this was what most people thought was best for both parents and child.

Open adoption allows both sets of parents to know about each other. The natural parent or parents may be able to get news of the child and see pictures as the child grows up.

It is a good idea to discuss the different types of adoption with your counselor.

     Many parents believe the best time to decide on adoption is before the baby is born so that the baby and the new parents can start relating to each other as soon as possible. But the law will not allow consent papers to be signed until after birth. If you have decided ahead of time that the adoption is to be handled by an agency, the papers you sign will give the baby to them. Usually, someone from the agency will come and get the baby at the hospital. The baby may then be placed in a temporary home for a few weeks while you think over your decision. In some cases the baby may be able to go right home from the hospital to the home of the new parents. This is easier on the baby. Most people who adopt want infants so that they can feel as much like natural parents as possible. In order for the child to grow in a healthy way, he needs at least one person who will give him the continuous, loving care of a parent. It is important to make the adoption decision as early as possible. It is hard on a child to go from one family to another.

     Sometimes parents who can't take care of the baby themselves let the baby be placed in foster care. The child may be placed in a group home or with a family paid by the state for the child's care. The people taking care of the child are called foster parents, but they are not the legal parents. The state or agency workers make the decisions that parents usually make for a child.

Foster care is intended to be temporary, until the children are either adopted or returned to their natural parents. One disadvantage of foster care is that foster children are often moved around. This is bad for children. If natural parents are unable to care for their baby, adoption at birth is probably a better choice.

     If you are considering adoption, you have to decide which kind of adoption to choose - agency, family, or private adoption. A good place to begin with is adoption counseling. You can talk to an adoption counselor about how you feel, what you want for yourself and the baby, and legal and financial matters. The counselor can tell you about your state's adoption laws and the experience of others who have chosen adoption. Family planning agencies such as Planned Parenthood, your local Department of Social Services, Family Service Association of America, Catholic Charities, and the Jewish Board of Family and Children's Services all have people who can give adoption counseling or help you find it. Be sure to tell them whether you can afford to pay anything; they should be able to help you locate free or low-cost counseling.

Many adoption agencies also offer counseling. You can find an adoption agency by looking in the Yellow Pages of the telephone book. Be sure to ask whether they give adoption counseling. If you have not already made up your mind about adoption, let workers at the agency know that.

     An adoption agency is a service that matches people who want to find homes for children with people who want children. Agencies choose adoptive parents by trying to find out why they want children, whether they are physically and mentally healthy, and how well they can take care of the child. Workers from the agency visit the home to see if it is safe. Many agencies let the natural parents have a say in choosing. You will want to let the worker know whether you are interested in an open or closed adoption.

     People who want a baby may put an ad in the newspaper or the lawyer may put the ad in. The young woman answers the ad. The ad usually says the couple who want a baby will give it a good loving home and will pay all the expenses of care before and after the birth. You can meet the couple and decide whether you think they will be good parents for your child. But for the adotion to be legal, a court must approve your choice. Before you give your baby to people who say they will adopt it, you must see a lawyer.

Sometimes a couple or a single person may contact a young pregnant woman who seems to be unmarried and ask her if she will let them adopt her baby. This is a situation to be careful of.

     Very often the people who want the baby most are your own parents or the parents of the father. Aunts, uncles, cousins, or even brothers or sisters might want to adopt your child. Thise adoptions are legal in every state.

     Adoption is a final step. If you choose adoption for your child, you have to accept never being a parent to that child again. Adoption may allow you to finish your education, get a good job, and find the sort of life you want to lead. If your baby is adopted, he or she may have more opportunities and a more stable home than you can offer at this time in your life. Only you can decide if adoption is the best choice you can make for you and your child.